Changing
by Muzica-chan
Summary: Things are changing, but what was gradual is now so sudden and neither are sure what to do or where to go with their feelings. MorganxReid
1. Adjusting To Loving

Disclaimer: Reid, Morgan, Garcia, Prentiss, and the rest of Criminal Minds belongs to someone more fortunate than me. I am merely borrowing them for entertainment purposes. However, if they want to hire me as a writer, I would be more than happy. :D:D xD

Summary: _Things change fast. Suddenly happens gradually, because no matter how much things build up: they eventually had to break to change._

Warning: This is slash between Morgan and Reid, as in them together as a couple. If you don't like mxm, don't waste your time reading or my time flaming. Also, understand that to make them act like a couple, I do have to change their personalities slightly, *but* I tried to keep them as in character as possible.

Author's Note: I was looking at good coffee makers online and saw one. My first thought was "Reid would kill for it." Yes, I have an unhealthy addiction, but this is what spawned from it!

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><p>Staring at the machinery before him, Reid didn't have to be a genius to recognize exactly what it was, and he didn't need his eidetic memory to know it hadn't been there the last time he had visited.<p>

"Hey there pretty boy. Glad to see you found your gift," Morgan greeted him as he walked up behind the slender brunette.

As of late, it was no longer uncommon for the younger male to let himself in. He still was getting used to it, because he always felt like he was invading his co-worker's privacy. It wasn't as comfortable for him to do so as it was for the others, so it seemed. The fact that this was just one of Morgan's many properties didn't really help matters.

Turning to look at the athletic, older male, Reid's chocolaty hues widened with surprise. His tone was nearly uncertain as he curiously repeated, "Gift?"

With a nod and a laugh, the dark male clapped his shoulder and answered, "You drink more coffee than anyone else I know, so I thought that it would be a foolproof gift. On those nights where the young doctor Reid wants to study obscure text books, he can have good coffee and save money."

Reid knew that he should be fawning over the gift, in fact he wanted to. The espresso machine cost nearly two-hundred dollars and had been something he had been planning to buy for himself some day, but he couldn't help wondering about one thing.

With a slight smile, he turned to face Morgan completely. Halfway joking, he asked, "If it is my gift, why is it set up at your house?"

The smile on Morgan's face turned into a devilish grin. Playfully ruffling Reid's hair, he told him, "Because, if I just gave it to you, then I couldn't use it to convince you to come over."

"Right," Reid replied with a soft laugh.

He was just now starting to get used to comments like that, despite the fact that the jokingly sweet remarks had started shortly after they had first met. In the beginning, Reid assumed that it had been mocking, but he had slowly come to realize that Morgan meant it. All of those cute, almost-flirting remarks were sincere, maybe even more so than what Morgan said when he hit on with women.

Another question occurred to Reid then. Tilting his head, he asked quizzically, "What is the gift for?"

"It's been months," Morgan answered softly, his tone all too serious. Neither of them needed to say it for it to be obvious that he was talking about Reid's addiction. His dark eyes were intent and grave as he told him, "Not everyone could have gotten it over it on their own."

Though Reid had no delusions about his team knowing about his drug problem, it made him cringe slightly to hear it mentioned out loud. Even after his friend had pointed out that his team knew, he liked to trick himself into believing that the problem had been well hidden. Maybe it had been, but when working with profiles, it was impossible to keep secrets.

Pretending to be studying the machine, Reid turned away and took a step towards it. His eyes were intent on the metal as he struggled with his own thoughts and feelings. For a moment, he nearly changed the topic, moved it to something safer, but then he confessed softly, "I-I didn't do it on m-my own. I-I-I had you and the rest of the team backing me. A-all I had to do was ask, and I-I knew you guys would have been there." His gaze went back to Morgan as he assured him, "That is not alone."

That was something both of them could easily understand. Both of them had been alone before. They had stood on their own and faced down their own demons to reach where they were. Their demons were still there, and they were still struggling, but now they were never quite as alone as before.

Before the atmosphere could get too somber, Morgan's lips twisted in another grin, and he remarked, "So…I threw away the manual. Think we can still figure out how to make coffee?"

"Assuming that you put it together correctly," Reid muttered with just enough sarcasm to cover up the relief.

An hour and several very bad cups of coffee later, the two males had fully figured out the complex mechanics to make a simple cup. Either of them figuring it out on their own might have had more luck, but together, they distracted each other, making games out of small things and laughing. It only served to make it that much better when they finally ventured to the living room with their drinks.

Together, they settled onto the couch, Morgan slouching and Reid drawing his feet up with him to curl up. Sipping at the steaming beverages, they argued over what sort of show they should watch, Reid wanting to see what 'nonsense' they might have on the science channel and Morgan opting for a cop show.

Bickering over such trivial things was another thing that Reid was just now getting adjusted to. When he was a child, he had given into everything his mother demanded. Throughout school and training to work in the FBI, he had done exactly what he was told and excelled with ease. There had never been a chance to jokingly fight with others. He never had anyone to quarrel with over silly things.

Years prior, he had done much the same with Morgan, who pushed him just to push him. That had caused him to slowly fall into the habit of complaining, and from there, he had learned to argue.

Morgan almost always looked like he was fighting to not grin when they debated what they would do or watch.

Finally, they settled on Animal Planet and Discovery Channel until something worth arguing over came on.

"I can remember when there was good content on Animal Planet," Morgan sighed as he switched back to the Discovery Channel after a particularly annoy episode of "It's Me or the Dog."

Looking over at him, Reid tilted his head and asked, "Really?"

Morgan laughed and nodded. With faux seriousness, he said, "Yeah, it was way back when you were still a teenager."

"Ah, that explains why I am not as disappointed as you are with these shows. I was busy with college then," Reid remarked with a slight shrug. He knew that that was all he needed to say to explain that he hadn't watched much television before. In fact, he could only remember a few times before he started hanging out with Morgan that he actually bothered with it, and he had always watched sci-fi shows.

There was a disbelieving expression on Morgan's face as he shook his head slightly. He asked Reid curiously, "What was your favorite cartoon growing up?"

"I didn't actually watch cartoons," Reid replied. He was comfortable enough with Morgan to reply without feeling embarrassed about the fact. Most people made him feel slightly ashamed of the things that were unusual about his childhood, but generally Morgan didn't. Thoughtfully, he confessed, "My mother said that television was no good and she refused to let me watch it."

Since his focus went back to the show as soon as he shut up, Reid didn't realize that Morgan didn't reply. His mind fixated on the show, rather than anything real. He was quite content to think about nothing more than the coffee and the show. With stubborn refusal, he blocked out thoughts of why he was enjoying the delicious drink or why the show held his interest more than it held Morgan's.

He was much happier in the present, and that was where he was staying.

"I love you," Morgan declared abruptly.

His head instantly snapped around and his eyes widened with shock as his heart lurched, nearly painfully.

This wasn't the first time that Morgan had said it. It wasn't even the first time he had looked at Reid with those resolute, dark eyes as he uttered those three foreign, but familiar words. Reid, however, was no more used to them than the first time they had been said to him, almost a year ago.

They always made his heart stop and then race a little faster than before. They shot waves of nervousness, happiness, discomfort, and excitement through him all at once. They left him with nothing to say and so many feelings that he couldn't understand.

Unlike with invading Morgan's home, the play-fighting, or the almost-flirting, this was not something he had adjusted to.

Reid was still as uncertain as before about what to say.

His slender lips parted as his eyes stayed on those two dark, endless pools, but no words formed. All at once, his brain was shorted out and running in a hundred different directions at a million miles an hour.

What could he say?

What did those words mean to Morgan?

What did they really mean to him?

Could he say that he loved Morgan too?

Did he love him?

Did he even know what love was?

Suddenly, Reid realized that he honestly did love Morgan. The guy was his best friend, his most trusted confidant, his would-be older brother, and someone he could always rely on to have his back. Even if there were moments that Morgan stirred feelings in him that were bizarre enough to nearly make him push away, he always came back, and that made Reid feel like he really did love him.

Just as he finally had his answer to Morgan, he lost it.

Morgan gently touched Reid's cheek. The touch, itself, was nothing new. When the two of them were away from the team and not on a case, he had been steadily getting more physically affectionate. Sometimes, when they were out of town, they would even go as far as to hold hands while walking.

Though Reid knew that it wasn't "normal," he couldn't seem to stop himself from going along with it. He didn't know what to make of it as the contact thrilled him in such a strange way. It was just like hearing Morgan say those three words: his heart stopped then started racing as his mind ceased to function properly.

This time, there was something different about how Morgan touched him. Most of the time, the gestures were friendly and light. It was all passing connections that were done with his usual arrogance.

This time, Morgan was slow and timid. He almost seemed frightened by his own actions. There was none of his usual confidence that Reid assumed leaked into every aspect of Morgan's life.

Transfixed, eager and intimidated, expecting and uncertain, he remained frozen, unsure of what he was waiting for.

Their eyes never left each other as Morgan hesitantly began to lean in. The whole world seemed to hold its breath as the distance was slowly closed. Nothing broke through the moment. Even Reid's mind was silent until the last second. When there was barely a centimeter between their lips, it frantically began to race.

What was happening?

Did he want this?

What was Morgan doing?

What was Reid going to do?

Did he really get a say whether he did or didn't?

Could he go along with this?

Could he let himself go along with this?

Could he force himself to say no?

Thinking about neither retribution nor consequence, Reid tilted forward and closed the last of the distance.

"I love you" did not compare.

Reid had kissed Lila before and thought that had been amazing. It had been great, grand, wonderful, and every other synonym. The memory had left an impression in his mind and occupied his thoughts for almost too long. Phantom sensations of her gentle, soft mouth and supple, wet body had crashed his study time over and over again.

It had been an enjoyable torture that had slowly faded. Though he hadn't considered it before then, those thoughts had stopped around the same time Morgan had first said that he loved him.

Of course, the sweet words had come months after the kiss and Reid had never gotten in contact with her again, so maybe it had just been time.

Kissing Morgan was what occupied his mind at that moment. It was completely different. The dark lips were firmer and more in control. While Lila had been begging, Morgan meekly commanded Reid. Her kiss had been asking for something, but his kiss was offering him something. Reid didn't even know what he was being given, but he felt like he couldn't live without it.

Before he could properly analyze what he was thinking, feeling, or even doing, the kiss ended.

As Morgan shifted away, Reid drew his lips into his mouth, not sure what to say. He was certain that he looked just as confused as Morgan did.

What had they just done?

Some part of Reid thought it was wrong, not because of their gender, but because of whom they were.

They were co-workers, close friends, and FBI agents. Their job had all sorts of rules against interoffice relations, not to mention relationships between team members. Even if it was allowed, relationships were impossible with just one person on the team. What with two of them on the team? There was no way that it could work out to be anything but heartbreak.

That, of course, was first assuming that Morgan even wanted a relationship. He could just be curious. Statistically speaking, he was a little older than the average age for experimentation, but that was one of the things that had the biggest window.

"What are you thinking?" Morgan asked suddenly, cutting across Reid's thoughts. His expression was a little more guarded, but the uncertainty still showed through with aching clarity. His gaze was troubled, and his body language betrayed that he was trying to distance himself from Reid.

Reid abruptly felt even more nervous before and began fidgeting with his cup as his lips parted and closed repeatedly as he tried to find his voice. He blurted after a moment, "S-statistics."

The sound of Morgan's laughter was a relief.

The chorus of their phones ringing was an even greater one.

Some part of Reid flat out refused to leave until he could figure out what had just happened and what he just felt. Another, larger part of him was not quite ready to understand it.

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><p>AN: Part two is coming soon! I already have it written! :D

Do you like it? Love it? Hate it? What do you think I can do to improve it?

View and review!

Comments make me want to write more.

If you want the squeal to this and more delicious MorganxReid, add me to your alerts! ^^ :P


	2. Drowning In Us

Chapter Summary: _Sometimes, it isn't about what you can handle. It is about what you want_.

Author's Note: Just to clarify a little, this chapter and the one prior both occur shortly after 3x16. Also, I will be adding a third chapter to this. :)  
>This was written as a prompt for the brilliant Hinfallend. Go check her out and give her FFs some love. (Link is on my profile.)<br>This was edited by the totally epic x-stoked-x. I'd say check her out, but she hasn't posted anything yet. :(

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><p>"I, um, I am surprised you came," Morgan confessed with a tentative smile that looked bizarre on such a confident face. As his eyes traveled across the brunette's body, his skin was dark enough to mostly hide the blush, but there was no hiding the way his eyes nervously danced away when their gazes almost met.<p>

On the other hand, Reid didn't have the luxury of being able to hide the red hue on his cheeks. It was one of the few times that avoiding people's gaze came in handy. It was nothing new for him, as he sat fiddling with the pen and trying to not look directly at Morgan. He wanted to do more, but his mind went completely blank when he chanced a glance and caught the dark gaze on him.

His blush brightened, and he knew that his friend looked away almost as fast as he did.

The uncomfortable duo was seated near a window in a coffee shop in a town they didn't know well enough to matter. They were there, waiting for their drinks, because they had just finished a case. Most of the team had already settled into hotel rooms, but just before Reid could scurry off, Morgan had pointedly announced to the team that he was dying for some coffee.

Not even Reid was naïve enough to not realize that coffee wasn't what Morgan wanted.

He, however, was unsure of what he wanted, so he had followed, eagerly volunteering in front of the others and trailing quietly after Morgan as they searched for a shop. After all, if things hadn't changed, he wouldn't have hesitated before leaping at the chance of coffee.

As their orders were being prepared, they sat in an awkward silence that neither knew how to break. This was not the time to discuss a case or ramble about nothing, and small talk was hardly what either was after. Statistics had nothing to offer them at the moment. Flirting was what had gotten them in this mess.

Of course, it wasn't Morgan's harmless flirting that left them wordless. It was that minute interaction that had occurred barely seconds before they had been called in. That small change had affected everything.

The barista called out their number, despite the fact that the shop was completely empty except for them, and Morgan quickly got up. When Reid went to follow, he waved him off and went over to the counter.

As he watched the athletic male walk over, the young doctor couldn't help but touch his lips. He felt so conflicted, and watching Morgan lean a little too close to the dark haired woman didn't help.

One part of him was eagerly urging him to stay there, to stick it out, and figure out exactly what was going on. Some of that was his interest in something new, but the majority was spawned from a feeling that he didn't completely understand. He felt like he needed to know exactly what was happening to him.

Another part of him was resolutely commanding him to flee. With a strange, absolute certainty, he knew that if he stood up and walked out then, it would be the end of it. There would be no more fleeting touches, no more intense declarations of love, no more moments where he wasn't quite sure what Morgan meant...and no more kisses. Their relationship would be plain friendship, even if it was tense for a while.

That in itself left him feeling farther undecided. He wanted the normal friendship back so badly that it almost hurt, but then something inside of him whispered that he needed to stay, needed to see what would happen. He tried to tell himself that it was his inquisitive side, the side that had to repeat something even if it hurt the first time to see if it would the second go around.

Of course, associating their kiss to a painful experiment made about as much sense as comparing getting hit by truck to baking a cake. It didn't equal out...though Reid was just as curious about what the results would be for a second kiss, while not quite certain what he was hoping for.

As Morgan returned, he realized that his hand was still on his lips and quickly removed it to accept his cup. Even as he poured in sugar, he could feel the look that his companion was giving him: thoughtful, judging his expression and reactions, trying to figure out where to go from there. Reid knew that Morgan was as lost as he was, but he knew what he could do to indicate what his friend should do just about as well as he knew what he should do with himself.

His eyes followed the shift of Morgan's shoulders as he drew a deep breath. There was something about the way they rose and fell slowly that enchanted and calmed his racing mind ever so slightly. That was probably the only reason he didn't spew coffee all over the table when he heard Morgan's question.

"What is this to you?"

Sucking in a breath and some scalding hot java, Reid burnt his tongue. For a moment, he struggled not to make a complete idiot out of himself as he quickly blinked back tears. Clearing his throat and coughing slightly, he stammered out, "I, er, I, uhm, I, uh, er, I..."

Morgan didn't bother to hide the dejection that flared in his eyes, and Reid couldn't face it. He jerked his gaze away to look over the empty tables and barstools for the millionth time. It was later than midnight, so it was a bigger miracle that the shop was open than it was that they were alone.

No matter where his eyes were, his attention was always on Morgan, and when he started to speak, Reid's gaze slowly shifted back.

"I...Reid, I understand if you want to be friends. Honestly, I do. It won't be a problem for me. I'd be a liar if I claimed that some part of me doesn't really want that...but then another part of me wants more, want to be more with you. For me...it is impossibly balanced. It is up to you to tip the scale."

It was hard to say exactly what Reid was thinking just then. His mind slowly turned over the words that made sense but seemed so odd at the same time. The thoughts that came to him were even odder. For some reason, it simply seemed impossible to process what was being said.

What Morgan said next, however, made perfect sense to him.

"Reid...I just want to know, you know that you don't have to go along with it."

Huffing from offense, Reid rolled his eyes before shooting Morgan a glare. Bitingly, he snapped, "You realize that I'm not a child, right? If I didn't want to go along with it, then I wouldn't have."

"So, you do want it?" Morgan pressed instantly. His eyes brightened with hope almost as soon as Reid said it.

Blushing brightly, Reid quickly looked away. Once more, his eyes roamed over the floor, studying the various patterns as he answered, "I'm...I'm...I'm not opposed to it." While it wasn't really an answer, and not what he honestly wanted to say, it was the only one he had. Risking a look at Morgan, Reid felt a bit bolder when their eyes met. Abruptly, he demanded, "What exactly is it that you want?"

It seemed that the question actually stumped Morgan. Rather than reply, he looked out the window and stared thoughtfully into the distance. His expression was considerate, yet impartial, as if he hadn't really thought about what it was that he wanted before.

While waiting for the answer to his question, Reid rotated the cup in his hands, feeling the warmth slip between his fingers. His gaze flicked around the store, incessantly going back to his friend before being rushed away. He had never felt so nervous and uncomfortable around Morgan before.

Finally, the dark gaze went back to the fair skinned man, and the older male replied, "I want to just let things go. I want to let things happen when it feels right. I honestly don't want anything exclusive, but I do want to be with you when we both want it. I want to be able to stay friends and still be more. I want to be able to love you and be your friend. I want...I want to be with you, but I don't want to be drowning in us."

"Drowning in us...," Reid repeated under his breath as his mind turned over the words. Slowly, he began to nod in agreement. Not meeting Morgan's gaze, he answered, "I think that I can manage that."

"Can you want it though?"

The question was quiet and went unanswered as they left the shop to wander through a nearby park and finish the last of their coffees. Even hours later, as Reid curled up on the jet to catch a little bit of sleep as they went home, the query danced through his mind.

Could he want to go along with feelings that might cause trouble for them? Could he want to see Morgan with others and still harbor feelings that were more than just platonic friendship? Could he want to be friends and more at the same time? Could he want to be with Morgan?

Just as he fell asleep, Reid had the strangest thought that maybe, just maybe, he already did.

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><p>AN: Like it? Love it? Hate it? Comment and tell me how to improve it! :D

Yep, Reid still is undecided. In my opinion (and story line), Reid wouldn't know how to handle it. I mean, he is sort of emotionally handicapped. Just think of 1x18, when Lila was throwing herself at Reid. She literally had to shove her tits his face for him to be like "Oh." and even then, he was all "Against the rules. No." "/ I love the boy, but he is a bit dense when it comes to things like that. I know a lot of you want him to, but there is no way that he would instantly say that he loved Morgan back.

...but I am adding the chapter where Reid confesses. :D

Read and Review. ^^

~Muzi


	3. Losing

Author's Note: This was written as a prompt, separate from the first two pieces. That is why it is written in first person, rather than third like the first two. I didn't intend to add it, but so many of you were interested in when Reid confessed, so I decided to add it. I like the first person POV for this one though, so I hope you do as well.  
>NOTE!: This takes place shortly after 4x04<br>This chapter was edited by x-stoked-x and written for Hinfallend xD

Chapter Summary: _Realizing that you love someone is a far step away from confessing, but what if they have been waiting for years?_

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><p>A shudder raced through me, though I somehow managed to keep it on the inside.<p>

It wasn't natural for me to conceal my emotions or thoughts constantly. My face had always been an open book, so easy to read. No one needed to guess as to what I was feeling, because I never hid it.

That night, I felt like I had a lot to hide.

Restlessly, my eyes drifted over the sea of people, hoping for someone new to stand out, hoping for a distraction. There was only one person that caught my attention, however, and he was the man I was refusing to look at directly.

Just the shape of his shoulders drew my gaze, and every time he turned in my direction, my heart stopped...and when he didn't look directly at me, it didn't want to start again.

"Hey, Reid, why are you all the way over here?" Prentiss asked. Her tone was surprisingly clear considering the fact that her cheeks were already a nice rosy color. It was obvious she had been drinking quite a bit already.

Shrugging slightly, I answered honestly, "I doubt I can find anyone that knows crap about Star Trek to talk to, so I figured I would just sit back and watch."

Lighthearted laughter escaped the dark haired woman, and she took my hand. Tugging gently, she urged me, "Come on! Come dance with me!"

"I-uh-I d-don't dance," I confessed a little too quickly. It was no deep dark secret that I had no sense of rhythm, but that was hardly the reason I didn't want to move. Since I couldn't admit the real reason, the truth was a pretty good excuse.

Prentiss merely shook her head and pulled slightly harder before insisting, "Uh-uh, we're dancing. I'm not letting you turn me down."

Realizing that this was a losing fight, I simply gave in. Following after the tall, beautiful woman, I went out onto the dance floor. Even before we got there, I knew it was going to be torture.

Awkward was a nice way to phrase how I danced...or rather didn't.

Fast music and an erratic beat were virtually impossible for me to move in time with. On the best of days, I could be summarized as a klutz. When I was thinking things got worse. Just then, my mind was churning way too much. Now, instead of just fretting about my complex sentiments, I had to worry about how stupid I looked as well.

Dancing with Emily only made it worse, because I knew that she could read me like a book.

I felt like, even with her eyes half closed as she swayed confidently, she could see it all: the unhappiness I was fighting, the aggravation I was denying, and the confusion I couldn't overcome.

For the first song, I was awful and I knew I was. With a preoccupied mind and stress that I could barely contain, I moved stiffly and uncomfortably. However, when I tried to flee, Prentiss caught my arm and pleaded for me to stay. Unwilling to risk losing my composure, I agreed easily.

The second song started, and I decided that I really just didn't care. Whether I was moving elegantly or clumsily, it didn't matter. Trying to be carefree, I followed the same beat as Emily, letting her lead and letting myself go. The voice in my head warned that people might stare, but I didn't have the will or energy to mind.

As the third song began, I felt a little more confident. I knew that I wasn't dancing well, but I was still comfortable. My mind had shifted away from reality, away from the darkness. It swirled around the repetitive beat of the music and left me stranded somewhere between a stupor and freedom. It wasn't the best place to be, especially not for me, but at least I didn't feel like I was fighting for my sanity.

Sometime during the fourth song, the trance broke, and I had the dire urge to get out of there. Whether something in the lyrics had stirred my subconscious or it was just me, there was no way to tell. All I knew was I had to escape, as even my heart ached with the need to get away.

Muttering quick apologies to the dark brunette, I escaped her and quickly forced my way through the club. Reaching the exit, I didn't slow as I pushed the door open. Striding down the hall towards the front door, I had the urge to run, but carefully kept myself at a fast walk.

Once I was finally outside, the cold air helped clear my mind from the sluggish pace the heat of the club had lulled it into. With intense clarity, my thoughts reeled over what I should do. If I went back to the hotel room, I would have nothing to do but sit around and wait. If I roamed the street, it was likely that I could get lost, and if that happened, it would just be the icing on the cake of horrible day.

With a sigh, I acknowledged that no matter which way I went, I was going to lose. At least if I went to the hotel room, I could maintain some façade of dignity.

Finding a taxi was the most difficult part of getting back to the hotel. The busy city streets flew past once I flagged one down, and after paying my fare, I went directly to the hotel room that I would be sharing with Morgan. It wasn't often that we had to share rooms anymore, but it wasn't often that we stayed in such nice accommodations either.

Locking the door behind me, I made a bee-line to the bathroom. As I disrobed, I had the faint hope that, maybe, if I got lucky, a shower would relax me enough to help me sleep. Then I would be asleep before he got back, and I would have another night to get over it.

The hot water was nothing short of amazing against my skin. With a tired moan, I shifted so that the spray hit me directly in the face. Thoughtlessly, my hands trailed across my body, rubbing the tense, sore muscles.

In countless ways, today had turned out so much better than many of the ones we had handled. A girl was alive and back at home with her mother. Both of the criminals had been caught and were in custody. We had enough solid evidence to keep two twisted men off the street.

It had honestly been as close to a perfect day as they came. Yet, some minor detail left me feeling less than satisfied with it. It was something so small that no one would remember the next day.

No one except for me, of course

Yet again a moan built in my throat, but this one from frustration. Burying my face in my hands, all I could think was how much I hated it. I hated the certainty that I was losing my mind. I hated feeling so uncertain about everything else. I hated questioning him.

The sound of the hotel door opening and closing interrupted my thoughts. I tensed with apprehension as I listened to the soft tread of footsteps. When they passed the bathroom, I relaxed slightly, only to tense as they came back. There wasn't enough time to shut off the water before the door swung open.

"What's doing, my man?" Morgan asked from the doorway. Even without looking at him, I could feel his direct gaze on me. For once it remained fairly leveled at the back of my head, rather than roaming downward.

A weary sigh escaped me as I turned up the water pressure. Luxuriously, I tilted my head, before turning away from the spray to face him. With the water riveting over my face and sealing my eyes, I remarked, "Showering. What does it look like?"

"That's not what I was asking about, and you know it," Morgan replied. I heard him step inside of the room and close the door. As I cleared the water from my eyes, he was untying his shoes. He continued in a serious tone, "I am asking about today. Since around noon, you've been acting different. What's up?"

Not answering instantly, I reached for one of the small bottles of shampoo and poured the contents into my hand. My attention stayed intent on the off-white liquid, rather than him. Putting it in my hair, I attempted to keep my tone as neutral as I lied, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Reid," Morgan snapped in a half growl, his tone warning me. He knew that I was trying to deceive him. There was no way that he didn't.

Slowly massaging the shampoo into my hair, I ran through all of the possible replies. I didn't want to come clean, but I couldn't lie again. Deciding on a half truth, I admitted, "Something someone said bothered me."

"Come on, Reid. It isn't like you to be vague," Morgan scolded me, his words betrayed by the concern in his voice.

"Fine," I snapped as I reached for the showerhead so that I could rinse my hair. Trying to keep myself from glaring, I told him bluntly, "I don't want to talk about it. Is that direct enough?"

For a long moment, there was nothing but silence in the room. Glancing at him, I saw that Morgan was once again studying me intently. It made me more nervous than uncomfortable to have those beautiful, dark eyes on me. Even after so much time together, I was still getting used to it.

With a shake of my head, I scattered dozens of droplets to clatter against the clear, plastic curtain and white, porcelain wall. My focus shifted to the sound they made as I gathered myself and my thoughts. Then, impulsively, I drew back the curtain and gestured for him to join me. Hopelessly, I offered, "Let's put this behind us, okay? I-I don't want to think about it."

There was a frown on Morgan's face that told me he would rather not, but instead of fight with me, he gave in.

Wordlessly, he stripped and cast his clothes onto the counter before walking over to me. Muscular, dark arms encircled my pale, slender frame, drawing me against the solid, strong body.

Leaning forward, into his warmth, I pressed my lips to his. Firm hands skimmed lower on my body as he returned the kiss. My last thought before surrendering my mind to the please was that even a day apart was too much.

~O~

Rolling onto my back, I exhaled softly as an annoying voice in the back of my head reminded me that I had to get up. I had to sleep in the other bed, just in case someone needed us. The prospect of moving was less than appealing, and I wanted to stay there as long as I could.

"So…," Morgan murmured in a drowsy tone. His lips brushed lightly against my shoulder as his hand gently slid onto my stomach. With no real rhythm, his fingers moved in a gentle caress.

Meeting his gaze, happiness twisted my lips, and I repeated, "So?"

The smile barely touched his eyes before it vanished. His tone was tentative as he asked, "So, are you going to tell me what I said that upset you?"

"I-er-I-I n-ne-never said it was you!" I answered quickly, my voice rising. I knew that my tone and words clearly told him the truth.

A halfhearted chuckle escaped him, and he pressed, "Come on, Reid. We both know better. Just tell me."

Not able to talk, I opened and closed my mouth without making a sound. Tearing my gaze away, I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. There was no way I was going to let myself lose it then. Losing my composure in front of him would be even worse than losing my mind.

Finally, feeling like I had enough self control to not choke on my words, I confessed, "When y-you were talking to th-the unsub, you said that you couldn't imagine being in l-love with another-with another…"

My voice died with the certainty that one more word and the dam would break. If I kept going, there was no way I would be able to keep the tears in.

To call Morgan's tone conflicted would be an understatement. There was frustration, hopelessness, confusion, amusement, and more in his voice as he softly assured me, "Reid, you know I love you. I said that to provoke the son of a bitch. I love you more than anything...You are the one that doesn't love me. Why would it bother you if I said something like that?"

"_Of course," _ I thought as I realized how obvious that was.

You said what you needed to say to get information. That should have been my first thought. Morgan wouldn't say something to me that he didn't mean, but to a twisted man that hurt others, he would have no problems lying.

As happy as it made me, it left me in a rather uncomfortable position. I could ignore the question, which would only lead to him pressing, I could pretend that I was a selfish dolt that demanded love with no intentions of reciprocating, or I could confess everything.

For the past two years, Morgan had consistently told me that he loved me. A little over a year ago, we shared our first kiss and had been sharing stolen kisses and lingering glances since. Sometime in the past few months, we had started to be more physical in our relationship and eventually started having sex.

Even though it had developed slowly, through it all, I had questioned love: wondered what it was, where it was found, and if I really felt it.

A few nights before, shortly after Morgan and I had parted, I had felt with absolute certainty that even if I didn't know what love really was, I felt it towards him.

Rationally, I knew that with a year of romance and many more years of friendship, I should be ready to say it. Somehow, I still doubted that I could.

Promising myself that I would tell him in the morning, I sat up and shifted to the edge of the bed. The thought of waiting sounded good. If I waited just a little longer, then I would have more time to process it and figure out how to phrase it.

How could I explain that I loved him back when I wasn't even sure if it was "finally" or I always loved him and had been too stubborn to realize it?

This time, Morgan didn't press me for an answer. He just turned his back to me as I stood up. Softly, he told me, "I love you."

Surprise made me look back at him. As my eyes trailed over the broad shoulders, I tried to imagine his expression. I knew he wasn't smiling, but was he angry or hurt? I wasn't sure, and I wished I could be.

It felt like I stood there, staring at him, for an eternity. Once again, I was losing myself from the uncertainty.

"I love you too," I whispered unconsciously. A vivid blush bloomed on my cheeks when I heard my own voice, and I froze, hoping that he had already drifted to sleep.

Since he didn't stir or respond, I quickly turned away and slipped into my bed. Lying down, I drew the blanket up to my chin, tempted to pull it over my face so that I could hide. The embarrassment was insane and seemed stupid since he was probably already sleep.

Just as I had convinced myself that I had gotten off with no embarrassment and had started to relax enough to sleep, I felt a weight land on top of me. My eyes snapped open to see the dark, delicious pools staring down at me.

"You love me?" Morgan repeated, his tone so eager and hopeful that my heart nearly shattered. I had never realized it meant so much to him.

My blush worsened, but I nodded wordlessly.

It was so embarrassing. Everyone loved Morgan. Maybe my own desirability was that I hadn't yet said it. It would be the only way to explain why he was even interested in me. After all, it wasn't like I had a lot going for me, and in comparison to him, I had even less.

A breathless laugh of relief escaped the athletic man before he leaned down and kissed me. Against my lips, he whispered over and over again sweetly, "I love you too."

Abruptly, I decided that he was worth losing everything, from my heart to my sanity. He was worth everything.

* * *

><p>AN: Yep. I cheated you out of a smut scene. xD Kidding. I can't write anything really mature.

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